How Women can help their partners

Studies have shown that one of the most important factors in a man's ability to handle this problem and find a solution is the support and love of his partner. When a woman is sympathetic, understanding, and shows an interest in dealing with ED, a man's recovery is usually much quicker and more complete.

Some women may minimize their roles, thinking that it is really "his problem," and there is little that they can do to help. Nothing could be further from the truth! Here are some of the ways in which women can help men deal with and overcome erectile dysfunction.

Remain Positive

It is important to remain focused on the positive aspects of your partner and your relationship and not let any setbacks or problems get the best of you. Your attitude and feelings are an important part of how your partner responds to any erectile problems he may face.

If he is under stress at work or has other problems weighing on his mind, his sexual difficulties may be one result. He is already feeling bad about himself and his situation, so the added burden of poor erections could make things much worse.

When this situation first occurs, try to minimize it and avoid making him feel guilty or like a failure. Let him know how much you care for him and that you think his problem is only temporary.

Of course, if it recurs, he should be encouraged to seek medical treatment. And your positive encouragement can be the impetus that gets him to go for help.

Remember That Sex Is More than Intercourse

It is an unfortunate fact that for many couples, their entire sex life consists of nothing more than periodic intercourse. But a sexual relationship can be, and should be, far more than that.. When a man experiences trouble with his erections, it should not mean that his sex life is over. It is crucial for his partner to let him know that there are many other ways that he can please her in bed, and there are also many other ways she can please him.

One of the best ways is through oral sex. Surprisingly, many older couples have never even tried it. If you need some help, there are many sexual manuals, show you how. If including The Joy of Sex, that will you prefer, you can consult a sex therapist for guidance.

You can also do all the other loving things that couples enjoy, such as kissing, hugging, caressing, and massaging each other-all over. And don't overlook the fun and pleasure you can experience with sex toys such as vibrators or dildos, or with erotic videos and literature, if you enjoy them.

Don't Blame Yourself

When their partners first show signs of erectile dysfunction, many women tend to blame themselves. They think they are too old, too fat, too unattractive, or not sexy enough to arouse him anymore.

While some men do suffer from psychogenic ED that may have something to do with the relationship with their partner, the vast majority of men with ED have physical issues.

Focus instead on finding a good urologist who can provide your partner with a rapid, accurate diagnosis and the proper treatment. If, in the course of treatment, it is discovered that there are relationship problems to work out, you can deal with them then. Until that occurs, if it ever does, a woman should avoid thinking that she is responsible for his problem.

Many of the sexual changes that occur as a man grows older may be completely normal. They include :

• less frequent erections
• softer erections
• erections that last longer before ejaculation
• a need for more physical stimulation to get an erection
• a longer time between erections
• less need to ejaculate

How do you know what is "normal" and what is not? By returning to the definition of erectile dysfunction as the inability to get and maintain an erection that is sufficient for satisfactory intercourse.

If a man got a 10 erection (on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the hardest) when he was in his twenties and thirties and a 9 in his forties, and he now gets a 7 or 8 in his fifties, he and his partner may still be completely satisfied. But if that is not the case, he can consult a doctor for diagnosis and help.

If your partner is undergoing some of these sexual changes as a result of growing older, do not panic or overreact. Make sure that he has regular medical checkups, of course. You should ask the doctor to be certain, but the changes he is experiencing may be entirely in line with the normal process of getting older.

Keep Romance Alive

Just because you have been together for a long time doesn't mean that he no longer cares about your appearance or the little personal touches you once showered on him. If it has been a while since you gave any attention to romance, a revival may be in order.

You could start with a surprise candlelight dinner for two, with all his favorite dishes. You might want to dress up for the occasion to look your best. Or you could buy tickets to see one of his favorite musical performers or sports teams.

Reviving romance between the two of you should also be fun. Laughing and enjoying your time together has a direct effect on your sexual relationship and can often help to wake up a tired libido.

Communicate

If you see that your partner is having sexual problems and is not discussing them with you, try to find a way to get him to talk about it. Men, of course, are individuals and what works for one man may not work for the next. But if you know your partner well, you should be able to figure out a way to approach him.

Never discuss sexual difficulties in bed. It is always best to bring up this subject when you are both relaxed, alone, and have time to talk. The most important thing you can do is to let him know how much you love him and that you are willing to go with him for treatment. If his problem is psychological, therapy for both of you is always the best choice. If his problem is physical, your loving support can help him deal with it. Even in the age of Viagra, participation by a man's partner is a very important key to his recovery.

Tell Him What You Like in Bed

Even after many years together, your partner may not know what pleases you in bed. You may believe that he "should" know, but as many men remark, "I'm not a mind reader." There is no need to make a fuss over this. just tell him. Let him know where you like to be touched, how you like to be touched, and better yet, show him exactly what you want.

Doing this does not mean you think he is uncaring. It means that your personal relationship is important enough to you that you want him to share your most intimate feelings. And when he listens and pleases you the way you like, he will be rewarded and stimulated by your gratification.

Find Out What He Likes in Bed

Many men have secret fantasies or desires that they have never shared with their partners. They may simply feel uncomfortable describing what they like sexually, or they may be afraid that their partners will be shocked, angry, insulted, or refuse to do it.

When he describes what he would like to try in bed, listen to your partner attentively without making any judgments. What he tells you should fall into one of three categories:

• Something you would like to try
• Something you are not certain about
• Something you know you do not want to do

When he is finished telling you his thoughts, let him know that you understand what he is saying, and ask questions about anything that isn't clear to you. Then tell him what you are willing to try, what you want to think about further, and what you would rather not do.

By talking about his desires respectfully in this way, you may learn about specific ways to provide him with additional sexual stimulation. And if you use his suggestions, that may help him to improve his ability to obtain and keep his erections, whether or not he is using Viagra.

Whether it's with words, intimate notes, gifts or special surprises, you should never forget to let your partner know how much you love him.

Remember that sexual stimulation begins in the brain. Your love and your feelings for him are a very essential part of his sexual function.

Saying "I love you" should never become a hollow routine. If it has become this for you, stop for a moment and think about what he really means to you. Then let him know your true feelings, in your own words, without any censorship. It can work like magic.